Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Welcome to The Authentic Path. I'm your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, Harvard-trained physician and healer. I integrate science and ancestral wisdom to support you in creating the success you desire in all areas of your life.

Vanessa Calderón: What if the things you're avoiding is the doorway to who you are becoming? You see, things you want most in life almost always require you to do something that feels uncomfortable. That's exactly what we're talking about today. We're talking about doing hard things and why this never be something you avoid. Because growth doesn't happen without things feeling hard. In fact, discomfort is actually one of the greatest pathways to who you are becoming and who you are meant to be.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started.

Vanessa Calderón: We're going to explore the science of why hard things help us grow, why adaptability is one of the most important skills in today's world, and how to know where in life you are being invited to stretch. you've been feeling uncomfortable lately, ⁓ you are a hyperachiever, this episode is going to help you what is Hi, friends, welcome back to the podcast. I so excited to be here with you. ⁓ And I'm just thrilled to be back. ⁓ since I've been gone, so much has changed. ⁓ a few updates. One, I took a trip to Italy this summer. my husband is from Italy, and we did this really beautiful, almost like ⁓ pilgrimage. But we took our kids, ⁓ and the kids got to see where their ancestors are from. A small, tiny little town in the south of Italy. ⁓ It was beautiful. The whole entire experience was just beautiful. And it's lovely to also be home now. Summer is coming to an end for us. My kids start school very soon. We start school in two weeks here. our kids are starting a brand new school, which is exciting for them. They're both going to be at the same school. we are thrilled. Things, good things are happening over here. What else has been going on? A few other updates. So my website also got ⁓ a new refresh. It's at I will link that for all of you the show notes so you can check it out. If you go to my old website, Vanessa Calderonmd uh.com, it will route there. And you'll notice that there is been a huge evolution in the work that I offer, mentioned this before. I am a physician by training, but I'm really a healer birth. ⁓ I come from a long indigenous line of ancestral healers, and my work has really evolved to include so healing work, especially for the nervous system. and a lot of the professional coaching work that I sort of do. in tandem and it's really, really, really beautiful work. it includes a lot of the energetics, a lot of the ⁓ nervous system mindset, all of it together, which is ⁓ comprehensive and beautiful, and ⁓ I'm here in service to you to help you grow, heal, to move forward in a way that feels in alignment to who you are. would love to support you. So today we're talking about the importance of doing hard things. Why it's important to do hard things. So where did this come from? This came from just the current vibe that I'm seeing out in the world right now, where I feel like there's this there's tension between the space of well-being and of a break and not wanting to really step into discomfort and doing hard things. And In my experience, I think that what people are confusing with wellness and well-being, it's like, yeah, you need to like don't so hard, slow down, all these things. And some of that stuff is true, but it has to be done thoughtfully and it has to be done with intention because what we never want to do is we really don't want to stop challenging ourselves. It's really important for us to do ⁓ hard Now, what I mean by hard things? Let's pause and let's define hard. Heart is something that feels challenging, something that feels uncomfortable. So what feels challenging and uncomfortable to you? So it could be physically challenging, training for a marathon, lifting weights. That's what I'm currently doing these days, as I'm I'm in my mid 40s right now and I am going hardcore at weight training. I've always been an athlete. I've always done a ton of cardio ⁓ and I to lift a lot of weights back in my younger days, and then I focused a ton on cardio because I used to Once I became older and I stopped playing sports, I started ⁓ running marathons and half marathons. I am back to weight training hardcore right now because building muscle is really important for women as they get older for but especially women. So something that's physically challenging be what is hard for you. It could be mentally challenging. And you know, just ⁓ silly examples, doing like puzzles every something that's mentally challenging. like solving ⁓ sudoku ⁓ but also coming up with a new operating system at work, coming up with a new marketing plan that could be mentally challenging. I have a client that ⁓ works with global marketing, and that's challenging coming up with all these new systems. It could be emotionally challenging. So, what's something that's emotionally challenging? A difficult conversation. ⁓ So of us avoid difficult conversations because They're difficult and they feel uncomfortable for us. And a lot of people have a narrative or a story that they don't like conflict or that they're conflict averse. that is something we get to change. sneak peek at a podcast episode coming up. But difficult It could be in relationships. So ⁓ maybe it's you ⁓ a who's going their teenage years. And that is challenging. So it could be growing in relationship. Maybe it's your significant other relationship. Maybe it's your relationship with your parents that requires some healing, or with your siblings, or new friendships. So all of these things require something uncomfortable. It requires us to stretch into versions of us that we have not yet been. I'm gonna give you one more example because I talked about a lot of personal things, physical, mental, emotional, but also in leadership. So In leadership, what are some ways that we stretch ourselves in leadership? I think a lot of the ways that we stretch ourselves in leadership have to do with our relationships with the people that we lead. For example, ⁓ we have a very strong performer, it very rarely requires us to grow because the high performer is doing the work and it's awesome. ⁓ when we have an underperformer, that requires a lot of leadership growth for us. It requires us to hold somebody accountable. Maybe put them on a performance improvement plan. Maybe give them honest feedback. And that is always uncomfortable. So if that, if you are a leader and you are realizing you have some underperformers and you've got to hold them accountable and it feels hard to you, just gonna tell you, you're not alone. That's hard for everybody. I've coached hundreds of leaders, it's hard for everybody. It's hard that people don't do it. They avoid it, they kick the can down the road until somebody else has to manage that person. ⁓ So just naming that because it's ⁓ It's part of growth. It's part of discomfort and that's really important. Okay, so why is it that we want to grow? I'm going to go into some of the science and the data behind why growth matters. ⁓ And then I'm going to talk about ⁓ where we focus our growth. Where do I know where I grow next? In case you're kind of about where you should grow next, we'll talk some about that at the end. So why is it that you want to grow? Again, every time you do something hard, you are essentially growing. Whether it's your muscle mass, you're lifting weights, and lifting weights is hard, so you grow muscle mass. Whether you are upskilling because you're learning something new, you're getting better and better at crosswords, for example, or better and better at some operational skill, maybe it's your intimacy in a relationship. You are improving, you're growing in your intimacy or in your leadership. One the most beautiful things about The human body and the brain is that the body and the brain are designed to adapt. adaptability is so important. One of the central principles of the physiology, of the human of human physiology, is this concept of adaptation. So whether it's ⁓ muscles responding to resistance training, ⁓ cardiovascular system, your heart adapting to endurance training, ⁓ your brain rewiring through neuroplasticity. This type of challenge essentially creates adaptation. And without adequate challenge, there is very little adaptation. And adaptability really, really matters. I'm gonna talk about that. I'm gonna talk about why in a second. Okay, so when we do something hard, we grow. And fundamentally, the concept of growth is important. Okay, so on this three-dimensional plane that we're living, so walking, talking, the five senses that we have. So on this three-dimensional plane, and I call it a three-dimensional plane to differentiate it from sort of the five-dimensional spiritual plane, which I will also talk about. But on this three-dimensional plane, growing and doing hard things really matters for a lot of reasons. Number one, it keeps the mind nimble and resilient. What I mean by that is it helps us protect against dementia, against Alzheimer's. It helps us protect against becoming older and being afraid of things. something that often happens is as we get older, we sometimes contract. We contract and we, for example, don't want to travel anymore. ⁓ All of a things feel hard. traveling internationally feels hard now. All of these things start to feel hard. And the more and more we allow things to feel quote unquote hard and not do them, the more we contract as we get older. You might know people that they just don't want to do things anymore after a certain age, 60s, 50s, 60s, they just don't want to do things anymore. They'd rather not take that trip. They'd rather not do XYZ. that is something that can happen. It happens often. And the way we keep our brain resilient is doing the opposite. is by continuing to growth with a growth mindset, with the positive mindset, as opposed to like it's too hard. Hard is good. Hard is good for us. So I said it protects against dementia and Alzheimer's disease. ⁓ So we from research that lifelong learning and regularly engaging in cognitively demanding activities, again like doing a crossword puzzle, doing Sudoku, ⁓ having ⁓ conversations that stimulate brain, ⁓ Those types of things create cognitive reserve. Cognitive reserve helps your brain compensate for aging. And it's also been associated again with lower risk of dementia. I think that's really important. It helps your brain become more resilient. So growth and doing hard things regularly is going to help our brain become more resilient. And this doesn't have to be something that's incredibly challenging. It could just be something different, something like gonna. decide to learn a new hobby. I'm gonna try to play a new musical instrument. I've always wanted to learn the piano. I'm gonna teach myself how to play the piano. challenges are good your brain. ⁓ Even I a girlfriend of mine when I was really young. We were in high school and we lived near each other. So we used to give each other rides to and from school. ⁓ And one on the way home from school she took a different route was like where are you going? And she's like, ⁓ when you take different routes, it stimulates your brain. We're in high school here. And ⁓ thought I think about that a lot because it is so true. And she was already thinking about that in high school. ⁓ She was thinking about how to continue to stimulate her brain to grow. So your brain itself is not necessarily a muscle, but it behaves in a remarkably similar way to muscles. So just like muscles will get strengthened and they'll get bigger when you challenge them. Your brain will literally build new neural pathways through repeated challenges and through repeated learning. Every time you are stimulating your brain, it grows. It's pretty incredible. Okay, so I talked a little bit about adaptability. the more and more I am seeing how rapid this world is changing, the more and I realize that one of the number one most important skill. For me to continue to build is adaptability. talk to my kids a lot about the skills that I think are important for them. Skills like courage, skills like resilience, skills like ability to feel and hold, like emotional capacity is what I call it, but the ability to feel and hold difficult emotions. So resilience, ⁓ courage, emotional capacity, and this is the last one, which is adaptability. So ⁓ Adaptability really matters. Think about this world and how rapidly it is changing. I mean, is like quickly adapting all of the time. ⁓ mergers happening all the time, all this automation, ⁓ disruption. ⁓ right what is happening is if you notice, we're no longer gonna be rewarded simply for what it is that we know. Because there's computers that are gonna know more. We're not gonna be rewarded for how much we know. But we might be rewarded for how quickly we can learn and adapt. adaptability is going to be essential to the practice ⁓ growth. For you wanting to stay ⁓ you've got to be able to be adaptable. If choose to stay resilient, to stay nimble, to stay adaptable, you have to be willing to continue to grow. And intentional requires discomfort. I said intentional growth. Okay, gonna come back to what I mean by intentional growth instead of just growth in just a second. I wanna go on a little bit and talk about why growth matters, not just on this three-dimensional plane, which is what I was talking about, but on a ⁓ level, ⁓ a more spiritual sort of five, fifth-dimensional plane. So ⁓ a more spiritual level, growth matters because many ancient and indigenous cultures believe that our soul is here for the purpose of evolution. So our soul incarnates into a human body to evolve and to grow. So evolution is growth. And there is no intentional growth. The soul cannot grow without discomfort. The soul cannot grow without pain and struggle and suffering and discomfort. If you think about it, even if you chose to do your best to avoid growth, let's say you're three years old, four years old, five years old, even if you're choosing your best to avoid growth. You're just gonna let time go on. What happens to your physical body? You're you're gonna grow. Time passes, your body grows up. And when your body is growing, what happens? You go through. Growing pains. We call them growing pains on purpose because when children are growing, their bones are stretching, they have muscle aches. It's called growing pains. When you become an adult and you continue to grow, what happens? Especially after you're 50 and 60. Growing pains again. Your muscles start getting weak. You start having chronic pain. Growth has always required some degree of stretching and some degree of discomfort. on the three-dimensional plane, it supports us in everything I listed earlier, but on the fifth-dimensional plane. It supports our soul's purpose of evolution and growth. And I just think that that that's beautiful. Why not give our soul experiences to continue to grow? so ⁓ how we know where to grow next? How do we know where to stretch? If you are listening to this and you're like, yes, I am a believer, I understand growth matters, but where, where in my life do I focus my growth? So let's talk about that. I think. It's very simple. You focus your growth on where your where your desires are currently pointing you. Where are you currently curious? Where are your desires pointing? What is calling to your heart? I'm gonna talk more about that, but before I do, I to talk a little bit about intentional growth. And this is because I know many of you listening ⁓ are achievers. like to do hard things. You Working hard has never been your problem. ⁓ of us, ⁓ of us, carry a wound that is called the hyper-achieving wound. We're just high achievers, we are achievers beyond others, like hyper achievers. And I call it a wound because when you are a hyperachiever, what has likely happened is you have somebody that has an innate ability to be ambitious and to want to grow and to achieve. And then somewhere along the way that gets muddied and coupled with the need for external validation, the need ⁓ feeling worthy. So we've tied our worth, our identity, ⁓ need for validation, even for some of us, our definition of success ⁓ our ability to achieve. And what that creates is an attachment to achievement. When we create an attachment to achievement, ⁓ means that our growth sometimes is not intentional. Our growth is coming from a wounded place. Now, if you are resonating with any of this, that's okay. I want you to know it's okay. You're not alone. And in fact, this was me forever for many, many years. I was a hyper-achiever. And I had no idea that I was achieving from a wounded place. I just thought I was supposed to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and work super hard and keep my head down and what else? And what was so fascinating is I kept making an excuse that my achievement was okay because it was always service-oriented, but it was still coming from a wounded place. I wanted the validation. I wanted to make other people proud of me. I wanted more degrees and another name and more promotions. And I needed that because that's what I had tied myself worth to. I am so grateful to say that. From this place today, because I look back on that version of me and I love her so much. And of course, I was coming from a wounded place. Look at what society has taught us. Look at what the programming is around us. Look at how people have defined success around us. So if this is you, that's okay. And also if this is you, there's another way. You know what's interesting? I coached somebody recently. He is a He was a physician leader. He was in his ⁓ late 50s and he was feeling good. He he had zero intentions of retiring. He was feeling good in his job. He climbed all of the ranks. He was serving on a national board. He was the top leader in his hospital. he had built this incredible career. And then two things happened to him at the same time. He put his name into ⁓ an executive position and didn't get it. And then at the same time, he lost his major contract at one of his hospitals. so ⁓ didn't just lose his job. He essentially lost his sense of self because his identity had become so intertwined with his achievement. Again, it's very, very common story that a lot of us have probably sensed or noted that we have tied our identity with what it is that we do. People ask you, so ⁓ me about yourself. And the first thing you say is what you do. ⁓ I'm a doctor. I'm a lawyer. XYZ, I run a business. ⁓ Tell about yourself. And that is directly where you go to your identity. And your identity is tied into your achievement. And there's difference between being proud of ourselves for what we have achieved and believing that we are what we have achieved. Because when we believe we are what we have achieved, when we are no longer achieving, then who are we? It was fascinating. My ⁓ Coaching with him was just so beautiful. I mentioned healing earlier, and that was really the route that we went together in our coaching because for him, it wasn't about rebuilding his resume or his CV. It was about rebuilding his identity, starting with healing all of those spaces in himself that never thought that he was enough unless he was achieving. So you ⁓ as a high achiever or a hyperachiever, that's okay. I Want to just share with you that growth can be intentional. And intentional growth looks very different than growing from a wounded place, than achieving from a wounded place. When you achieve from a wounded place, when you're growing from a wounded place or achieving from a wounded place, ⁓ what you essentially doing ⁓ is growing achieving to prove yourself. But when you're doing it from a place of intention, you're no longer growing to prove yourself. Instead, you're growing because you're curious, because you want to discover what else is possible. Because growth within itself is meaningful. Because now growth is just an expression of who you are, but it's not who you are at the core. Just a quick aside, we enrolled our kids in a new school. I mentioned that at the beginning of this podcast. one of the things that really called to me when we were looking at schools for them. ⁓ Was the culture of the school. I was sitting there and I was listening to the way the head of school and some of the teachers and professors were talking, and I realized that what they cared most about is building curiosity in the child. They wanted kids to be curious and love learning just because, just because, because curiosity is important, because loving to learn is important. And being a lifelong learner. Is a really important or skill or something to build inside of you. In fact, when I was in medical school, I sat on the medical student admissions board for a while. And remember one of the skills we had to assess ⁓ candidates for was their capacity to be a lifelong learner. And what I loved about that so much in the school specifically where we're enrolling our kids is that what that said to me is we are not teaching them. ⁓ In school so that they can then get into college. It's not future focused, it's focused in the present moment. And that for me is so important because we have so much programming already, so much societal programming and conditioning that has everybody focused on the future, especially young kids. There's so much mental health issues and anxiety right now because everybody's having the kids focus on what are you gonna do and who you're gonna be and how are you gonna start focusing on that. When really, we can just let the kids learn how to be curious and how to love learning, they're gonna be just fine. At least that's what I believe. And of course it's important to guide them towards what's next, but to do it gently as a secondary focus to ⁓ trying improve their curiosity. So again, we grow because growth itself, by itself, is meaningful. So where do we start? we where you're already curious, where you are where there's something already pulling you inside, where you already have a desire. You might already have a goal in mind. ⁓ Many I work with always have some set goal in the back of their mind, ⁓ a goal, a health goal, maybe it's career, business. Very few people ever come to me with ⁓ a goal, ⁓ an emotional like I want to feel better. I'm gonna tell you right now, this is ⁓ a little I'll let you in on. most our goals is because we want to feel better. Everything that we are aiming for is because we're aiming to feel a different way. ⁓ That emotional healing, my friends. ⁓ Even we don't want to call it that because society has told us that that shouldn't matter, that we should be able to do that on our own, that our career, our business, those are the things that matter. But it's all tied into how you feel. We are searching for a physical whole Goal because we want to feel good. We want to love the way we feel and look in our bodies. We search for career business goals because we want to feel successful, fulfilled. We look for goals and relationships because we want to experience love. And I guess I'll just say that because wherever you are currently being pulled, there's no wrong answer as long as it's coming from a place of intention. So check in with yourself and ask yourself, huh, what am I currently curious about? Where am I currently being pulled? I don't know if I've shared this with all of you, but a couple of months ago I started getting into astrology. maybe it wasn't just a couple months ago, maybe it's about a year or two ago. But I bought this book and I started teaching myself astrology because I'm super curious about it. ⁓ I've been tapped into and connected to the cosmos, ⁓ but is at ⁓ a higher where I am just so curious about all of it. about the planets we can see, the ones we cannot, about everything, how everything is related, the planets, the houses, the seasons. And I've been ⁓ doing deep diving over the last year or so, teaching myself astrology, and it is incredibly fascinating. So you get to choose what it is that you are being pulled towards ⁓ and yourself if you have a goal, what is it about that goal that is driving you there? Because you want to make sure you're coming from a place of intention. If it's because you don't feel good enough, if it's because ⁓ it's coming from a place of insufficiency or or inadequacy, just check in with yourself first. you start where you're being pulled towards, you start from a place of curiosity, and also know that curiosity is this beautiful compass towards towards your next season of growth because studies have shown that when you are following your curiosity. ⁓ Your sense of learning is going to increase because your memory improves. Because when you are following your source of curiosity, it activates the brain's reward circuitry. So, in other words, we are essentially wired to grow towards what we are genuinely interested in and curious about. on an energetic level, kind of on a higher level than this three-dimensional plane, I think that's fascinating because where we think curiosity comes from? Where did I all of a sudden get that nudge to be interested in, for me, for example, in astrology? Where are these nudges, these curious curious nudges coming from? people believe it's coming from this like greater ⁓ of consciousness, this collective consciousness. ⁓ so ⁓ these nudges are coming from, let's say, a general sense of consciousness, and we're getting these nudges, and then our brain is essentially wired to follow the nudges, isn't that interesting? That's pretty fascinating. I do not believe in coincidences. So I think that that's a beautiful synchronicity. We are wired to follow what we're curious about. so sometimes it's really important to pay attention to what it is you're curious about. So you to choose your growth edge, your your discomfort. You get to choose your hard, you know what it is that you want to create for yourself and what feels hard for you. You get to choose that for yourself. I would invite you to think about what it is you're curious about when you're choosing. I would invite you to have something you're you're challenging yourself on, something that will bring you joy. Again, for me right now, I am focusing on three big things that are my growth edge. Number one, it's heavy lifting. I talked about weightlifting. I have a really solid routine right now where I'm at the gym six days a week right now, ⁓ am adding in this is. And I I'm not imagining I'm not asking any of you to do this. I'm just really proud of myself for doing it because for a long time I was working out probably about five days a week and really wanting to have more intentional weekends. But I've had so many thoughts about working out on the weekends because used to work in my job so much that I felt so guilty doing anything on the weekend that wasn't at home and with my kids. And now ⁓ I've had such a huge evolution, so much growth that I can come from a place of intention. So the fact that I am I'm working out still those five days a week, but I've added on two days over the weekends with weightlifting and a hot yoga class, which is so fun. I love it, love it, love it. and I do that, you know, most of the time when we're around when we're not traveling. And so it's really fantastic. But ⁓ but for me, lifting weights has been one of the three things I'm really focusing on right now. The other is learning how to be ⁓ more present and supportive mom as my daughter moves through middle school. it's really exciting, you know. I've been doing a lot of reading about what happens to kids' brain and biology and hormones as they go through these next three years of middle school. And a lot, I from what I'm reading, ⁓ lot changes, I'm here for it. I'm here to be as present and as loving and as supportive as hands off or hands-on as she needs me to be. And so ⁓ is a huge growth opportunity for me because I've never been a mom before. First time I've been a middle school mom. And ⁓ I'm here for it. And the thing I'm really leaning into right now is ⁓ really expanding it is that I offer to the world, what I offer to you as my clients, ⁓ which is so much healing. I ⁓ and I really transitioning. coaching practice into a center of excellence for healing that integrates coaching with this deeper transformational work that speaks to the nervous system and also the energetics. And I've been doing that sort of without that title over the last five years. And my clients have gotten incredible results. You'll see all their results on the website because all their testimonials are on there. But feel so so grateful that I've been guided in this direction, that I've listened To my intuition that I continue to follow what it is I'm passionate about, and that I've been able to create this in a way that can be in service to the world. Because again, I believe my soul is here to evolve, go through its own evolutionary process. And at the tip, if you think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the very tip of Maslow's hierarchy of needs is the sense of ⁓ what is it called? It's called ⁓ self-actualization. And Maslow's hierarchy of needs, for those that don't know, was essentially adapted from an indigenous tribe. ⁓ the model that the indigenous tribe had, the top of the pyramid wasn't self-actualization for the purpose of the self of an individual. ⁓ was self-actualization ⁓ the purpose of being in service to community, for always giving back and being part of a larger community. ⁓ I just think that that's so beautiful. And so for me, as I continue to evolve. I allow my soul to go through its evolution with so much gratitude and love for myself. I know that I just get to offer these gifts all back to the world, like ⁓ that I'm experiencing. It's not just for me to keep to myself, it's to be in relation to the rest of the world. And so ⁓ I am offering all this to you. So we're gonna end here and I will tell all of you that ⁓ again important to stretch yourself. It's important for you to see what's possible for you, what your potential is. to become more resilient, more adaptable, and to allow your soul to continue to evolve through these experiences. So if you are currently in a season of your life where you're feeling uncomfortable, where you're feeling really stretched, maybe you're feeling like things are uncertain, things are hard, maybe it's in a relationship, maybe it's in work, or maybe you're simply feeling this sort of this little nudge inside of you that you're meant for something more. I want you to know that nothing is going wrong. You're just simply at a place where it's time for your next growth edge. It's time to evolve. that's actually a really beautiful way to think about it because that discomfort that you are feeling ⁓ now feel a little bit empowering. You can be grateful for the discomfort because you know it's leading you into the next becoming, who you are becoming. And you are navigating those seasons and you're finding it hard, I would love to help you. ⁓ I with physicians, with leaders, with entrepreneurs, with other mission-driven professionals. Who know they want more, who know that they want to grow, but they want that growth to be in alignment with who they are. They want it to be intentional, they want it to be sustainable, and they want to always show up as the most authentic version of themselves. Because again, the goal isn't just to accomplish more, it's to become more of you who you were always meant to be. right, sweet friends, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and your loved ones and your cousins and your tias and your tíos And anyone who you think would really benefit from this. Again, the purpose of growth is not just to accomplish more, but it's to become more of who you were always meant to be. All right, I'll see you next week. Adios.