67. The Courage to Choose Yourself A Conversation on Sovereignty, Self-Abandonment & Inner Peace

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Welcome to The Authentic Path. I'm your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, Harvard-trained physician and healer. I integrate science and ancestral wisdom to support you in creating the success you desire in all areas of your life. conversation is about something that we all crave so deeply, even if we don't have language for it yet. ⁓ that's this concept of sovereignty. Not sovereignty as, I'm going to do whatever I want, ⁓ sovereignty is the ability to remain deeply connected to your deepest desires, to your values, to your truth. ⁓ the reality is ⁓ many of us will look successful from the outside while we feel deeply internally disconnected. I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started. Today we're talking about something that a lot of us don't actually have language for, but we have a deep feeling in our body about. ⁓ And that's this concept of sovereignty. So what do we mean by sovereignty? I don't mean as a sense of rebellion or as a sense of isolation or doing whatever it is you want, but instead as this ability to be deeply connected to your truth, to your authenticity, to what makes you who you are. I don't think sovereignty is a spiritual abstraction. ⁓ fact, I think it's the practice of being ⁓ ⁓ direct author of your own life, making choices from your own knowing rather than from ⁓ this sort of inherited expectation, social conditioning, or like many of us, the fear of somebody else getting mad at us or disappointing someone else. And this matters a lot because on the other side of sovereignty, the other side of that coin, if we're not practicing that, have ⁓ pain that we start to experience, which we label as self abandonment, ⁓ is real and it's measured. And in fact, it can show up as deep resentment. or it can show up as burnout. A lot of us that feel burnout or this exhaustion in our life, it's because we started slowly to move away from what we knew we deeply wanted. What we knew was what's our truth. for those of us that are in caring professions or for leaders or for entrepreneurs, the quality of all of this deeply matters because it will show up in how we show up with other people. So my guest today is someone who lives at this incredible intersection of scientific rigor deep, ⁓ ways of being and living. ⁓ guest is Dr. Sadie Rodriguez. She's a pediatric cardiac intensivist at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. She has many, many letters behind her name, a lot of plaques behind her, ⁓ her walls, ⁓ she, from all of her credentials. ⁓ she's a doctor who on any given day, holds the lives of children with these congenital heart diseases in her hands. She holds their lives. She holds the hands of their parents who are deeply afraid. she's also a physician coach and the host of this incredible podcast called Soul Shine, the art of becoming. She someone who ⁓ I friends with many, many, years ago. Our lives have deeply intertwined now and I consider her one of my sacred sisters. someone who I deeply trust. She's doing this incredible, beautiful healing work in the world. And I am just so grateful that I get to bring her here to all of you. So Sadie, welcome to the podcast.

Saidie Rodriguez: ⁓ my gosh, Vanessa, I adore you. I love you. I am Vanessa's number one fan and everyone else can get behind me. This is where the line starts. I love you. I adore you. You are also a sacred sister to me. You have been such a catalyst for my own journey going inwards. And I'm just so grateful for your the way that you show up in your life, in your relationships, in your work. the way you show up here on the pod and on all the ways that you are. It's always such an authentic expression of the exact season that you're in. And yeah, you have such a beautiful vulnerability and strength that you hold both at the same time. So it is my honor to sit with you. you.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Well, I received that. I appreciate that. So let's just start from the beginning because I think a lot of people have a tough time understanding how a doctor, a physician, especially someone with all of your degrees and the high level of intensity of the work that you do in the cardiac intensive care unit babies, pediatric cardiac intensive care unit, ⁓ that work for you sort of intersects with the inner work of consciousness and coaching. Because from the outside it can look like total opposites, but there must be a little bit of a thread there. What is that for you?

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, think, I mean, I think it been, obviously we're all on our own personal journeys. ⁓ ⁓ think, you know, anyone who is in a service oriented field is usually somewhat connected to something greater than themselves. They want to teach, they want to heal, they want to innovate ⁓ for greater of humanity. So I think a lot of people find themselves. in this path of self-discovery through the service of others. by ⁓ you historical contexts and our little slice in the world, I think it often unconsciously gets framed as that is the singular focus. And ⁓ a of people, as you mentioned in the beginning, can get disconnected from where is ⁓ your in the service of others. And I the emotional threads of healing and of medicine have always been my through line in the journey of what brings me back to vulnerable populations, to holding space for suffering. And through that journey and being only focused on like, what is a good person? What is a good doctor? think I unconsciously inherited that that meant total self-sacrifice, that that meant only the person in front of me, that if, you know, I like no place. in the story and ⁓ entered my own life and my own story ⁓ the of others and my connection to humanity at large. ⁓ so yeah, going through my own moment of like dark night of the soul and imposter syndrome and super low sense of worth because I found it to be what the world defined. ⁓ as a smart person, contributing person, et cetera. And that was a beautiful portal and invitation to go inward and to get to re acquaint myself with how did I make these decisions and what do I believe and who do I want to be? And, and that led ⁓ upon coaching, I think is such a limited word, but consciousness. And of course, consciousness then becomes a gateway for like, well, what's the subconscious? What's the super conscious? ⁓ And of that, think coaching and personal growth is so adjacent to spirituality and spiritual growth. So it sort of became this intertwined journey of of humanity, you know, all of yourself, as you're also serving the whole human in front of you. ⁓ that answered your question. ⁓

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Yeah, 100%. You know what's fascinating? You said, I was at a place of low self-worth. And it's fascinating because from the outside looking in, we have these incredible CVs and resumes, and we have all this experience and credentials and, you know, married, two kids, beautiful home, all of these things that people would label a success can all of that and we can still feel like, whoa, wait a second, what happened here? Like I took all of these paths thinking that this was my journey. ⁓ And I'm feeling a sense of low, emptiness, self, like, you you named it as low self-worth. And I wanna name that because that can be so many people's lived experience. when we are actually living it ⁓ ourselves, it feels so isolating. Like what is wrong with me? Something must be wrong with me. Nobody, nobody else experiences this. So if you are feeling any of that, or if you felt any of that in the past, you are in good company. You're not alone. I had very similar experience to Sadie and Sadie's naming her experience. And ⁓ beauty of that is what's available to you ⁓ the other side. When you get curious and when you know that are meant to feel good, you are meant to feel. ⁓ You were meant to feel loved and lovable. And so there's always growth on the other side of those deep pools of we call them darkness or what feels cold. so let's your story a little bit, Sadie, because you're in that space now where you're like, wait a second, I'm in this level. Now coaching becomes available to you. ⁓ So talk a little bit about the concept of sovereignty because I know just from our personal conversations that You went on to a journey of sovereignty and you also support so many other folks on their own journey of sort of coming home to themselves or, you know, coming back to themselves as opposed to abandoning themselves. But when you, when you hear the word sovereign, what is, what do you feel in your body? Not, what, not what do you think, but what do you feel? How does that feel for you?

Saidie Rodriguez: Hmm. It's interesting. I've never done that exercise before and it feels, I feel like two things at once. Like there's a grounded solidness, but then like my feet are also on fire. Like I feel tingly and alive and like in communion with something greater. Yeah. Which is interesting, which I think it's like, no, are constant communion to life and life with us. I guess I'm just interpreting that as both ends of the spectrum. Like we are both dense physical beings ⁓ we are also this ephemeral being. And it's that feeling of being like in harmony of both at once or accepting both at once and also both sensations, Of like groundedness. How do you feel grounded is safety. You feel trust. You feel something greater than you is holding you, but then also like the tingling aliveness of like literally life pulsing through you. ⁓ a beautiful invitation. ⁓ do you feel when you hear the word sovereign?

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: When I feel the word sovereign, feel... I'm gonna use another describing word and then I'll describe what I mean. I feel liberated, like a sense of freedom, like sovereign is like deep. I feel just so like deeply trusting. Yeah, so the sense of groundedness and by that I mean so rooted. I feel so rooted and safe and at the same time deeply connected to consciousness, divine spirit, whatever word people wanna use for it. So similar to you, I guess, I feel. a sense of safety and groundedness and at the same time, deeply open. And that's, you know, I wanted to ask that because, know, words can be so limiting. We have words, but then everybody can have a slightly different meaning to the word that they're using. So it's important to define ⁓ words that we use so that we all know that we're talking about the same thing. But something about a feeling. that is different, it's like a felt sense in the body and it just makes things come alive, I think. And so when I thought about sovereignty and I asked you that, it's like, how do you even define sovereignty? Like if you were gonna define it in words, what would you say?

Saidie Rodriguez: Okay, maybe this is like really off, this is the season that I'm in is if I had to use words to define sovereignty. It would just be three words, is I am the one, maybe it's four words, I am the one. And that like can be for anything and everything, but ultimately is I am the one of my life. I am the one to show up the way I want to. I am the one to invite myself. I am the one to create what I desire. I am the one to surrender. I am the one to forgive. I am the one to love. I am the one to... grow or whatever it is, but I am the one in all parts of my life and- And I think that connects me back to freedom for what you were saying. I think the energetic thread is there of like, you are free. You are free to be, to be. Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: It's like, you know, I don't remember where I read this quote, but ⁓ you are the one you've been waiting for.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: That's like what came up for me when you were saying that it's like, it reminds me that I am the one. Like, you know, we often say, hey, no one is coming to save you. You gotta do that for yourself. Like, are the one. You are the one. You we often, ⁓ for many people early on, especially 20s and 30s, you're looking for this like deep love. I need this relationship. I mean, to be complete, all these things. And in every...

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: in actually in every ancestral belief, you've got to come home to yourself and love yourself fully to know other part is just another part. You know, it's just an expansion, but it's not a completion. You are the one. You complete yourself.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, yeah. And I think like even just reflecting on the beginning question of like, ⁓ look, I'm just thinking of my own story. And I'm sure everyone their own. We all came to ⁓ learn whatever lesson we came to learn. And think self and self were some of my lessons. And I always remember like preparing my CV and someone asking me like, What do you mean you have imposter syndrome? You went to this, you have this, you have that, like kind of what you were reflecting. And I think we see the world through our wounds because we're meant to learn what we came to learn and heal what we came to heal or clear. I'm gonna use your words, Vanessa's wisdom of clearing instead of healing more of ourselves, not less of ourselves, but. I think in that way, it's like, you know, what are we taught initially or unconsciously do we offer our lives? You know, we go out and we do this thing or we believe that we'll be of service by achieving these things, doing these things outside of us. the lesson, I think the lesson, thank you lesson, thank you external validation for giving me the container through which then to fracture and go deeper and go inward and to take the invitation. to go on the heroine's journey and reconnect with myself because if it wasn't for that, wouldn't know that that was empty. That wasn't the promised land that I thought it would be. And the promised land is as simple as I am the one to create meaning at the bedside, not by going to this course or doing this skill or doing this thing. It is the connection of my heart. It is the presence that I have. is the... looking in the scared mother's eyes or the overworked colleague, things, we create it. It's not handed to us. Things and we create their meaning. I understand I am grateful for it and I don't want to the portals. Sometimes without that adjunct, is hard to access. And I ⁓ go through the same ⁓ it is hard to maybe ⁓ believe or create meaning without someone helping you or the circumstance being set up a certain way. So I don't want to discount that there of course is power in circumstantial power in creating things either to make it easier to believe in yourself or to make the situation more impactful. is also that balance of what we're talking about of personal power, of personal creation of. bringing the meaning forward from within. is an invitation to both and a harmony of both, I think. Yeah, just contemplating with you.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Yeah, that's beautiful. What that also brings up for me when you're saying that is there are no missteps in life. Every journey that we take, every step, every time we thought we needed another degree to prove ourselves, all of those things, it's all for for something, it's all for the greater good. And so everything served a purpose on our journey. know, Sadie and I were talking about the book, one of my favorite books called The Alchemist. which I probably read like 17 times. And without joking, I will pick it up and read it at a different stage in my life when I need to connect to the book again and just ask, okay, what new lesson are you going to teach me this time, the alchemist? Because every time I'm reading it at a new level of consciousness, so I pick up something different, whatever I needed to hear. So thank you, Paulo Coelho. the whole purpose of the book is this guy thinks he needs to go on this big journey in life to find his joy or what's called his personal legend, ⁓ his And he goes on this big journey only to come home. And that is essentially, I think, the journey of sovereignty. Like, you don't know that you are not sovereign until you realize what it feels like to not experience sovereignty, what it feels like to feel like obligation over responsibility. I have to do these things. I have to, I have to, I have to. Until you fully see that ⁓ realize heaviness, the burden of that. And like the word that you said was just so beautiful, like to allow that to crack you open and to see like, wait a second, this does not feel in alignment. And how I know is my body doesn't feel good. I feel super disconnected. I'm not happy. I'm feeling apathetic. Is this really what life is? And many of us don't have that awareness because we think we're supposed to work really hard and push, push, push. And then we get to a place where all of a sudden you have a career you worked for. You have the, maybe you got married and you have this partner, you have kids now, but isn't this what was supposed to make you happy? And all of a sudden you realize like, well I'm here and I still, something still feels off. That's when you realize, ⁓ my goodness, wait a second, something is missing. And usually that could be that, that little level of that question, that little bit of curiosity ⁓ could take you on your journey towards authenticity or sovereignty or. ⁓ home, take you on your journey back home to yourself.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, that's so beautiful and it's so true. And I think it really helps us soften and have compassion towards our human experience because I think it's so easy to it would have gone different and ⁓ ⁓ did I do it that way? And if only I had made a different decision or, you know, why do we have to ⁓ have and suffering in life? And like, I think it's possible to not know the answer and... I still believe that there doesn't have to be an against for there to be a for. Like you're saying, everything can be for you, but only if we're awake and conscious and aware and choose to look at it in a way where we do have a belief in something greater than us. There's a saying that like everything happens for a reason, which I think can sometimes be harmful because like how could, you know, poverty and murder and these things be for a reason. But, I... I think the way that I like to break it up is saying like everything happens and we give it the reason allows that again, that sovereignty of my choice, my values, my beliefs to come forward to try to create some meaning and navigate this human experience. But I'm going a little bit in a circle. What I loved about what you said that softness or invitation ⁓ all of my human experience. And there's like two, there's two things I want to input ⁓ they're both from books that have also impacted me. One from Conversations with God by Neil Donald Walsh. But one thing he says in it, and I'm going to get the words wrong, but it's like, don't curse your ⁓ like adversity, bless it. And that was really hard for me at first. Like what this dude is like in the clouds. Like, what do you mean? And finally, after like a year of meditating on it, I finally got it of like, ⁓ Okay, thank you grief, because without you, I wouldn't know the depth of my love. Thank you fear, because without you, I wouldn't know the height of my courage. And in that way, I get it not to curse it like, ⁓ my God, why am I scared again? Or why am I so human? Why am I so limited? But no, thank you limits, because without you, I wouldn't know what it feels like to break through in this earth school that's like all duality. And the second thing I wanted to say, which earlier like Mary Magdalene, but it's like, One of the books that has touched me the most and relates to this like acceptance and softness around our humanity was as this book called Mary Magdalene Revealed by Megan Waterson. And it's a beautiful book. And part of the message that I got from it, you know, she inserts the sacred text ⁓ the book, and I'm definitely going to get the words wrong. So like, go Google this for yourself. I'll just say what I remember, but it's something around the duality of am the whore, I am the saint, I am the first, I am the last, I am like both spectrums of it. And ⁓ just reading that book ⁓ like, you know, some of like, I don't know, religious upbringing or words that were taught and you know, how powerful and limiting words are of like. Maybe sin isn't being separate from God, but maybe sin is being separate from our whole human experience and really embracing all the parts of me that are, ⁓ know, the scared part of me and the brave part of me, you the part that I would have shamed before, like, how can I see it with more compassion? Like, I'd love you. This is the whole point that we came down here to experience what it is to be human. So why would I... ⁓ deny you, silence you, make you wrong, shame you, like come closer actually. Let me fully experience you. Let me open up to you. Let me shame, sit with me, let me love you. And a long way just to reflect back to you, Vanessa, how you were saying, ⁓ through these portals ⁓ the tension or the contrast that we feel to come back home to ourself, all of that to say. ⁓ that it is so easy to judge it and to shame it and what an invitation to, as we're coming home to ourselves, bring those parts with us. That's what I heard and what you were saying.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: That's so, so, so, beautiful. think when we think of ⁓ ⁓ gonna ask us to go a little bit deeper because sovereignty, again, I think is the ability to experience a level of freedom where are allowed to ⁓ love no matter what, choose for yourself ⁓ no matter and trust yourself to know that you are a good person, a person of integrity. And that doesn't mean you will be perfect and you will choose what you think. It doesn't mean you won't make mistakes along the way, but it means that you can also forgive yourself and do all of those things. The reason why I'm naming that is because I often hear a lot of people confuse the words sovereignty and self-centeredness. Or like sovereignty is just an excuse to be selfish. so I'm curious ⁓ you think about just that concept, because the other thing that social programming has done a really good job with is ⁓ worst thing you can ever call a woman is the S word, right? Is selfish. you can never, like that is the worst thing you can call a woman in society anyway. And so ⁓ I'm how you think about those two things, how you think about sovereignty versus selfishness and what's the difference for you.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, I think for me, that's a really good point. And I do think it's two sides the same coin. And like the difference for me is if I see myself as reverent as I see you, then how could I not see my own desires simply what my soul came to experience? ⁓ know, like it's easy to see our children, our loved ones as like beautiful, magical beings and we admire them and we respect them. And of course, like if they want to take a trip, how could that not be a part of like them living their fullest and we can see the reverence in that, that's their richness of life. I think what's missing when we see it as we're being selfish is that we're missing our own reverence. We're missing seeing that it, you know, we reduce it. down to just the human part of our expression maybe, or the primal part of our expression, or the cheapness of it. What do you take as the difference between selfishness and song?

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: here's what I think because of our social I think many people believe that to be a good person means to excessively self-sacrifice, to give, to give, to give, to give, and that that's what it means to be a good person. So much so that setting a boundary feels incredibly uncomfortable and can feel like, like, ⁓ so much guilt. When guilt means, guilt, the actual word, if we were to dive it all the way down to like where it came from, it actually means to sin. The guilt means that you're sinning. You feel guilty because it, so are you actually making any immoral choice when you're setting a boundary? Usually you're not. I bring that up because if we think that to be a good person means excessive self-sacrifice, giving, giving all of the time, never centering yourself ⁓ that says to me is that ⁓ are from your wholeness, from your sense of you know? Because now it's like, ⁓ I don't I need to be giving all the time to everybody else. They matter more than me. And ⁓ morality that, at what many people in the sort of Judeo-Christian society have been taught is, that's what it means to be good. Of course you do that. That's what a godly person does. That's what a saintly person does. You give, give, give, give, give all of the time. Like, and they all will always say like Mother Teresa, you know? And so I guess I just want to start there because I want to pull apart the thought, the experience, the example self-sacrifice, by the way, ⁓ what happens you excessively self-sacrifice over and over and over and over again? That creates burnout that creates deep exhaustion, creates resentment. Even Mother Teresa would take an entire year off of service to be with herself, to come home again, to be whole. So FYI. want just name that because I don't think sovereignty and selfishness are the same thing. ⁓ For example, I actively every I practice sovereignty. And the way I practice is by remembering that I

Saidie Rodriguez: ⁓ wow. Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: have choice. I am at choice. am the driver's seat of my life always. And so if something doesn't feel good, I'll never say, ⁓ but have to blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. ⁓ If doing it is because I want to or because I get to or because I'm doing it. And even though I might not like, don't love doing my taxes, ⁓ but do them because I like the end result of taxes, which is like being like not getting audited or for example. So like

Saidie Rodriguez: Right.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: I think about it in that respect. Sovereignty means like you are the person kind of like what you said, which I love, and you are at choice. You are free. There's no obligation, no responsibility. And I say that also because I was an activist before I was a doctor. And before that, I was somebody that volunteered all the time. Like my entire life has been sort of angled towards service. coming deeply from my heart. When I was five years old, I told my parents I was gonna be a missionary doctor, because I thought that that was the best way to be in service. There was even a small part of my life where I thought I was gonna become a nun. I don't know if I've ever told you that story. Anyway, but point is that, you you go through all of that, for me especially, like always wanting to be in service, but then thinking that had to do it.

Saidie Rodriguez: with them. you

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: to make the world, like my purpose in life is to make the world a better place. I need to help you. And never giving myself choice, like, hold on a second. Do I actually want to do that? Is that coming from a deep place of like, of truth, of integrity, or is it because I feel like it's, I have to, or an over responsibility or an over obligation? Because that's where we start getting a little in the gray zone here and where we start causing break in our integrity.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: where we stop being in truth to ourselves. And so I guess that's sort of how I think about it. about, because the truth is like, I deeply want to be in service and I deeply want to help, but because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. Do you know what I mean?

Saidie Rodriguez: Right, yes, yeah, 100%. And I think that that it's like, it's such a nuanced thing because on the outside, just looks like you're helping. But really, it's the inner game that makes all the difference, right? Like the inner, like, just as you're saying, is it from obligation and needing to be a good person and needing validation and needing belonging and like a grasping and like, I'm not, you know, good enough, which doesn't do anybody good versus like, I know who I am. I feel like I know my worth is intrinsic and immutable. And I choose to create value this way that is external to me and it is dynamic and it is measured, but it ⁓ separate. It is an extension of me. It is a by-product of me, but it doesn't define me and allowing it to be fully from our choice, fully from desire, from ⁓ from freedom. And in that way, it's generative. Of course it fills me up. when I'm already like full, it's gonna be an overflow situation. And I think that that is where the inner ⁓ really is because it can look like what it looks like on the outside without us ever questioning.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: you said something that I think is so important and it's this concept of, you know your worth is immutable. So for all of you listening, if you're leaders, entrepreneurs, ⁓ a of us don't know, but we are working ⁓ so to try to prove ourselves to other people. What other degree do I need? What other credential?

Saidie Rodriguez: ⁓ you did it.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: or you're an entrepreneur and you need to make X number of dollars to feel something, feel successful finally, or prove yourself to those people that, you know, maybe this is your second career and you left that job and you want to prove to them that you made it. ⁓ separating those two things where like, hey, this was my choice. ⁓ ⁓ my worth is immutable and I am still doing this on the side just to do it. That feels incredibly powerful. Like that is a form of sovereignty that I think is something we all get to practice. practicing every day to know like ⁓ am and complete every day. ⁓ My is immutable ⁓ and choose to do this just because I choose to do it. ⁓ And think for me that just really resonated with me so deeply and I think it's something that ⁓ I love everybody to practice. if you're with I want to talk about the practical kind of like, what does it look like when people have experienced self abandonment? Like, what does it feel like? What does it look like? How would you know? What are signs?

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, I'm sure it's different for everybody on each person's path and also interested to know what you think and what you have seen. But I think some of the things that you have put language to already, the sense of like disconnection from self, like, I don't know what I would want for dinner because I'm always creating what everyone else wants for dinner. How do I know what my favorite flower is anymore? Or where do I want to go for a trip? Because it's always about what, you know, my loved ones, where they want to go. Maybe it's in the body, ⁓ like waking up but like not like not knowing you want to do, not feeling excited for what you want to do. Maybe even like a dread. like life is very transactional. Like I do this, I get that. And it's kind of missing, I don't know, there's maybe an ache. Missing a of presence or feeling like life is like around you, but not with you. Or, ⁓ it's always tomorrow or on the weekend, but then the weekend comes and ⁓ it feels like, I don't know, a little bit elusive. Those would be some of the things I would. mention. I'm sure it can be beyond that if you have anything to add.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: think you hit it on the head. The only thing I would add is any feelings that don't feel good. I feel guilty a lot. I feel bad a lot. I feel like I'm not doing enough. Those types of things should be cues to you that there has been moments of self abandonment that you are starting to maybe move away from what it means for you to be whole and in integrity. Because if you're saying those things about yourself, they're probably not true. You probably are a very moral person. You're probably giving all the time, especially if you're listening to my podcast. People listening to my podcast, we're givers, we're doers. We want to be in service. We want to make the world a better place. And so you're ⁓ those things, that might be a cue to you to start getting that we experiencing a of self abandonment. And I love what you said too about like, Maybe I don't even know what I wanna make for dinner, because I haven't even asked myself that. Like, I don't even know what I like anymore. I don't even know what music I like. start ⁓ the journey? do you this practice of like being honest with yourself or being in integrity? Like, what does that look like, let's say on a Tuesday afternoon?

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, think, here's what I think is a little nuanced and I, discomfort is uncomfortable. So on a Tuesday afternoon, when I feel that sense of emptiness, it's a lot easier to scroll on my phone or to call someone or to think about tomorrow's schedule and escape the feeling. And I think that's probably, at least for me, the first invitation of like, ooh, a minute, what am I running from? ⁓ am I running? ⁓ can I just create space to sit in the discomfort? And it doesn't have to look like an hour long, ⁓ you ⁓ bubble or a walk in nature. Although it might also ⁓ look some physical elements, perhaps for people to reconnect with themselves. ⁓ It be that nature or a bubble bath or ⁓ You know, reading a book that makes them contemplate can help them connect with themselves deeper. But I think literally just observing your body feels, observing the thoughts that are passing by is the first invitation to being in relationship with yourself. It's like me and you talking. ⁓ have to make space, literally space on my calendar, ⁓ in my home, on computer. I have to listen to you. I have to respond to you. ⁓ And don't, I think it's the same way with ourselves. It's... just internal and invisible. ⁓ so it's easy to like get out of it. know, like, my thoughts are I'm always with me. I don't have to listen to this or we're really hard on ourselves. Our internal talk is so ⁓ toxic, you know, that easy to not even flag it as like abnormal. Like we would never talk to our loved one that way. And so I think because it's not monitored and it's not out loud and it's not visible. It's really hard to find other ways to escape ⁓ not notice that we are in that kind of relationship with ourselves But the thing is we're always in relationship with ourselves. Even our lack of relationship is type of relationship Maybe an avoidant relationship, ⁓ but think that's where when you are awake to it or conscious to it And give that choice then you can be more intentional about what do I even want to create with myself? Do I just need time to like cry, to ask myself, to journal, to just hold space? Like, why do I think this discomfort is wrong? Isn't that interesting? Like, what do I even think about this experience that I'm having and using that curiosity as a compassionate way to start communing with yourself? I know if you have any other thoughts.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: No, that was so beautiful. think the inherent what you said is ⁓ there to be ⁓ a and down enough for you to notice these things, discomfort, the disconnection, the avoidant behavior, ⁓ like going social media so you don't have to feel all those little things. ⁓ There has be some sort of pause or breath ⁓ to help observe and notice. I think that's powerful. ⁓ You know, journey. towards sovereignty for many people can a little bit like, I don't know, self-centered or individualist. And ⁓ I want to just name is both Sadie and I are moms. ⁓ you know, we both have significant others. We're both physicians. We're both coaches. Sadie, specifically, embedded in deep, like, relationships with your children, with your parents, with your sisters, you know? And so, and you have responsibilities hold. So, want to just name that because journey towards sovereignty doesn't mean you all of a sudden separate yourself from everyone and everything that you love. how do think, Sadie, those that are on this journey, how do you hold the concept of sovereignty and belonging, sovereignty and service, for because, you know, in the beginning on this journey, it feel like there's a tension between those two things. And I actually think the more and more you practice sovereignty, the more you realize that there really is no tension. You being in service to yourself is always in service to everybody else because you're always more whole. But in the beginning, as you're holding this tension, you of talk to somebody going through that and help them think through that?

Saidie Rodriguez: That's an interesting intersection and just keep returning to seeing yourself ⁓ as reverent. I am also contemplating your question about selfishness. But I think in the sense of service and belonging and on the beginning of the journey, think there ⁓ is the tension that needs to be resolved of like that inward and of yourself as part of ecosystem that you serve. Like we are not separate. as you're suggesting, like to that we are ⁓ somehow less or that our are ⁓ taking away. ⁓ is really interesting and maybe to ask myself like where did I pick that up from? Why do I believe that? What is the effect of me believing it? Where do I believe I belong in the sense of a greater belonging? Because if I don't belong here then that also creates the tension where I am excluding myself, my desires, my wants from pouring into this ecosystem, being a part of this ecosystem. I have to believe that I belong. in order to make space for you to belong to. If I go to a meeting and ⁓ table is full, how I pull up a chair for someone else ⁓ that believe should be there if I can't sit at the table to be the one to pull up the chair? So ⁓ that for me to believe that I can ⁓ sit at table? Or is it service ⁓ if I believe that me being part of the table ⁓ invites other people join? And I think it's nuanced, but it's connected. But that connection cannot exist without you, without you believing that you matter, without you believing that what is in your heart, in your soul of service to something greater than you, without you believing that ⁓ realignment in life, even ⁓ on the outside it causes tension and discomfort and ⁓ for others, ⁓ can you believe that that is for something greater than you? And I think that's where the dance between the ego or sense of self the sense of other is always like in a way that we can believe that ⁓ for each other that, ⁓ know, it sounds so pretty on paper, like, when give of myself, I can give greater to others. But ⁓ how I actually, practical ways, start noticing that ⁓ in the ways that like it's uncomfortable for me to speak up because I don't believe my voice belongs, but my gosh. The fact that I spoke up, let some other early career person or some minority voice also speak up. I can hold that greater sense of purpose to that I then matter, ⁓ that is like, you know, the greater you so that you can serve the greater. It is that reciprocal relationship. ⁓ And I think that it has to always like unilateral that, ⁓ you know, being selfish or deconstructing my desires, my wants, my needs, my sense of belonging has to be in a unilateral way. How can we allow for our mission, our purpose, our community? to give us a place with which we can belong to then help co-create something greater. That was sort of a circular answer, ⁓ it's real I think it is hard to see yourself ⁓ as important ⁓ or that your matters or that you matter ⁓ and yet you to create these things for others. ⁓ And as we've talking about this whole time, creating from that place where you're not in the equation ⁓ is very depleting. So how can you do it in a way that doesn't feel selfish? Then let's get creative. Like, let's have fun with it. Let's put yourself back into the ecosystem and believe that sitting at the table does bring up another chair. Bring up the chair. Notice every time that you do that. ⁓ yourself that ⁓ you believe you matter, ⁓ at your impact is amplified. Your courage is amplified. Your drive, mission is amplified because you allowed yourself to be part of it. You know?

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: ⁓ my gosh, yes. Because I think that that's exactly it. Sovereignty is rooted in the belief that you matter, period. doesn't even mean like you matter in service to anybody else or in relation to anybody else. ⁓ is rooted in the belief that you, your your energy, your humanness, your body, that you matter. ⁓ And you envision yourself as that little, you know, like ⁓ one old baby that had been born, that Every time they cried, they got held. Every time they cried, they got fed. They got changed. They weren't doing anything for anybody else. They were just being little will always ⁓ matter just being. ⁓ And so think ⁓ when I time when you were saying that, I was like, man, that's powerful because that's exactly what sovereignty is, is remembering deeply remembering what the little one month old you knew. is that you matter for just being. That's it. even in relationship to everyone else. Although I do think on the journey that that little bit of like, when I'm in service to myself, it is I'm in service to others. That is true. even if you're doing it just because it feels good to you, ⁓ already is enough. You know what I mean? ⁓ let me ask you, Sadie, man,

Saidie Rodriguez: Yes, no, 100%.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: This might be a longer question and if it is, I'm sorry, but do you think that being an integrity with oneself and being sovereign are similar intertwined? Like where's the connection?

Saidie Rodriguez: I mean, this is simple, but I think they are the same. just gonna with you, but if you are, ⁓ we're saying ⁓ to be sovereign to believe that I matter as a human, my experience matters, my desires matter, my, I ⁓ matter, and that allow to through my choice, then the- reflection of that what what becomes in the 3d my actions my ⁓ ⁓ belief is my life ⁓ on the what it is on the inside and isn't that ⁓ integrity or would say my simple interpretation is that is a match between what i believe what i am allowing myself to believe ⁓ and what i do what i create The beingness and the doingness are in harmony, are in integrity.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Yeah, I agree with you. think practicing integrity is the practice of sovereignty. So, you know, it's like when you practice integrity, it's because you know you are sovereign. And so I think that there's similar intertwined kind of the same. and we can close with this. I'm curious ⁓ what for ⁓ what is becomes possible when we start living a life of sovereignty or a life of integrity? What becomes possible for us ⁓ like for as an individual for what becomes possible?

Saidie Rodriguez: I love you. I want to hear your answer too. think the simple answer is... I mean, a little bit to be like ⁓ full moment, ⁓ but honestly think we end where we begin with freedom, ⁓ with wholeness, with both at the same time, honoring...

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Hahaha

Saidie Rodriguez: our humanity and our spirituality, what our soul, our heart came to express through this physical form and freedom to choose, the freedom to create choice, the freedom to ⁓ express, freedom to live, love and serve be exactly this moment we wish to be. maybe that is a simple answer, but I think It is where we began. What do you believe?

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Yeah, I don't know. I didn't think you were going to ask me the same question, but I think if think if I was going to answer that, think what becomes possible ⁓ you are in integrity, in alignment, practicing sovereignty is is true peace is like ⁓ inner peace. ⁓ I think what peace is, is the ability to hold all of it. We talked about the duality a lot of life, but I think true inner peace is the ability to hold the duality.

Saidie Rodriguez: Hahaha!

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: of life I don't think the purpose of life is to feel good all the time. It's not. I'm not one to believe in, let's think positive or change our thoughts to always feel good. I think we're supposed to hold all of life because like what you mentioned without grief, I wouldn't know how deeply I could love. so and I think what becomes possible is that the ability to hold all of that, our ability to like hold all of that and experience peace, which I think is one of the most beautiful feelings that's available to all of us at any given moment. That's what becomes possible for us when we come home to sovereignty. We can feel peace. And I actually think that that is heaven on earth or whatever people call like the ascension or consciousness or whatever. think it's about leaving this planet. I think it's about how we can experience that now. And I think it's by allowing ourselves to truly feel, hold, accept what we experience, be sovereign and feel peace. And I think that that's just a huge gift that we can just give to ourselves.

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah, that's beautiful. I love like part of the reason I love the divine feminine and questioning like, don't know, these constructs of ancient matriarchal societies and our current patriarchy is like, I do think it does make a difference. And this will also reflect back in our discussions about selfishness, because I think there is a ⁓ difference in I don't know, obviously, because I'm not a man and I don't want to generalize. ⁓ But I think there is a different like context through which to listen to this whole conversation and engage in it as a man and as a woman and ⁓ idea of like a man's ⁓ of self-concept being very well developed ⁓ perhaps a woman's who is more seen as like a service role because and and think about a lot of the conversations we have had ⁓ this hour have been about service and about feeling selfish for having needs and feeling selfish for having a self-concept for God's sake. you know, and I think that the opportunity though in that is think for people with a strong sense of a self-concept, it is very humbling and awakening to release the ego. Whereas it might not be for someone who might not have a strong self of self of concept who is very tethered to their service. And I think the beautiful thing for me and the heaven on earth for me that sense of like, ⁓ can I not have exactly like you're saying, how can I not leave ⁓ family, the home, ⁓ service ⁓ find universe, source, ⁓ all mystery within it exactly where I am without having leave anything. Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Yeah, and just to follow up on the gender that you brought in, just the gender concept, I think it's less so the chromosomal genetic X, Y, X, X, and more so, I think you do too, more so the social programming ⁓ ⁓ we are ⁓ that we're supposed to be ⁓ we show up on this planet as an X, Y versus an X, X, you know, as a man versus a woman. ⁓

Saidie Rodriguez: Yeah.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: So experiencing this through the lens of your own social programming, whatever your gender is or whatever, you know, whatever, whatever you choose, like, but experiencing this conversation from your own social programming, I'm sure is fascinating depending on what it is that you were told you were supposed to do or be or what you were taught. that's fascinating. That's a that's a really interesting lens to think about. Well, my sweet friend, I want to thank you for coming here, for showing up, for sharing your light, your wisdom with all of us. I just love you so much. I admire you. I admire how you weave all of these things together. ⁓ my gosh. So Sadie has a podcast, by the way, and I'm going to let you share where everybody can find you. I listen to podcasts often. of the reasons I go to Sadie's podcast to listen is because she ⁓ in a lot of like the science, but also the energetics of like the bigger questions that we often, know, things that we talk about on my podcast, but she does it in such a way that I think is so gifted. And so I would just encourage all of you, if you like podcast and you, this conversation resonated with you to take a listen to her podcast. It's called Soul Shine, but Sadie, where else can people find you?

Saidie Rodriguez: ⁓ You are such gift ⁓ and all that do is such a gift. Thank you for ⁓ honestly, for years into and helping so many men and women ⁓ develop their gifts. The world is better because you are in it. yes, I have a small little gift for the listeners at soulshine.global forward slash podcast gift. It's just like a 10 minute activation, but I think would support the conversation around accepting all parts of ourselves. I think that is the key ingredient to how we build self-trust is being open ⁓ loving parts of ourselves. And otherwise, ⁓ yeah, come, you hang out anytime on the pod.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: Beautiful. And I'll make sure I'll link that gift below. I've done Sadie's activations before, by the way. They're bomb. They're powerful. So I love that you're offering that to all the listeners. Thank you for doing that. right, y'all. Thank you all so much for being here. As always, I hope you found ⁓ little nugget, one or two, maybe three nuggets that you can just take home with you. And if you enjoyed what you're listening to, ⁓ please, please share this with your friends, with your colleagues, with your tías, your tías, your cousins.

Saidie Rodriguez: I'm sorry.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón: That is how we continue to just share the beautiful gift of awakening consciousness and really living a life of purpose and consciousness. So thank you again for being here. We will see you next week. Adios.